Pink Brain, Blue Brain with Lise Eliot, Ph.D.

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Lise Eliot is a mom. A mom of both two sons and a daughter.

But she's also a neuroscientist and an associate professor who can tell you about brain functioning between the sexes. Which makes her a super smart mom. One that has insider info that we (i.e. society, parents, teachers) effect boys and girls more than their cerebellum does. She talks about all her findings in her latest book, Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps—and What We Can Do About It.

"Psychologically, in terms of the brain, we come out mostly the same," says Lise, about the moment of birth. "Very few synaptic connections are in place at the beginning. You have basic survival reflexes that keep you alive. Everything else is controlled through learning."

Which is pretty fascinating since generation after generation has told us that boys are better at math and women are more nurturing and better at multitasking. "Well, women are better at multitasking because we've had to be," she says with a laugh. "Now that you see more stay-at-home dads, you are seeing men who juggle multiple activities better."

"Up until the feminist movement, people accepted 'snails, and puppy dogs tails' as truth," she adds. "Anecdotally they'll say 'I gave my kid a doll and he didn't want to play with it.' The hormonal preference in toy selection is huge!" she says with enthusiasm. "Put 3-year olds in a room and the girls will go for 'girl' toys and boys will go for 'boy' toys 80% of the time. That is learned."

Lise says that gender is the most prominent feature for identity, above race and ethnicity.

"There are only tiny phsysiological difference between boys and girls and those get widened and widened through the years," she says. "Gender behaviors are strongly influenced by families. For instance, if you grew up in a more traditional household then you will most likely take on more traditional role in society. If your mom was a homemaker, you will see that as your place and be better at cooking and chores."

So what can parents do better?

Lise believes that the earlier you start introducing your children to non-traditional roles and activities, the better. Her studies found two compelling gender differences: Boys' brains have small advantages in spatial differences and girls' brains allow them to be better at writing earlier. Her advice? "You've got to cross-train your kids in a way. Give your daughter Lincoln Logs and building blocks here and there. Send them on scavenger hunts. Read with your sons and have them write in a journal," she says. "Parents can step in and do the opposite of what teachers and society are pushing at our kids to help counter balance the effects."

She urges you to combat what you can of learned behavior. "Put your son in dance lessons," she says. (Hey, it worked out for Justin Timberlake.) Talk with and listen to your boys and look them in the eye. These are small learned differences in gender that eventually turn into large gaps by adolescence. "Boys become stronger at physicality, risk taking and competition. So think about getting your daughters involved in sports."

Teachers are one of the biggest influences in gender differences, and studies have shown that they treat the sexes quite differently. "Once the kid is past the age of 6 or 7, parents lose control as far as gender stuff goes," says Lise. "Peers reinforce the roles." 

Role modeling at home helps too. "My daughter is good at math and our boys are good readers and writers because we've modeled that for them."

The lesson? Start "cross-training" your kids as young as possible. They are not hardwired to follow traditional roles. Role model what you want them to be in the world so that they can see boys can be writers and girls can be engineers.