KYZANDRHA ZARATE AND JASON PRATT/THE TIMES-UNION

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By SARA CONRAD
The Times-Union

If you’ve been recently divorced (or even not so recently), it doesn’t take long to realize that times have really changed since you last played the dating game. Sure, couples still meet through friends and at the gym, but with the advancement of technology, it’s now easier than ever to meet people at your convenience. So we’ve asked some experts to help you get back in the game as seamlessly as possible by combining new savvy dating tips with the old tried-and-true tactics.

Before you jump in with both feet, prepare yourself by making your life all about you.

Laura Campbell, a Divorce and Life Reinvention Coach and founder of The D Spot, LLC, helps women renew themselves during and after divorces. She says the first thing to do after divorce is reconnect with yourself.

Rebuild your self-esteem by doing things that you enjoy and becoming social again by making new friends, says Campbell. Her favorite way to do this is through Meetup.com, which focuses on connecting people with similar interests without forcing relationships. Campbell also encourages women to spend time with a therapist or coach to map out your ideal relationship before you start looking.

Ginger Emas, author of “Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce” (Globe Pequot Press, $11.21), advises taking off at least a year from dating to get in touch with your true passions. After divorce, women have different desires and goals, Emas says, and it’s important to realize the changes in your priorities before sharing your life with someone else.

When you feel good about who you are and what you want, mix and match the following new trends and traditional ways of dating in a way that is comfortable for you and representative of your true personality.

New Dating Strategies

Online dating: According to Emas, online dating is the best way to meet as many people as possible. “It’s a numbers game. It really is the best way to meet the most men per minute, because there are 40 million (people dating online).” Of course, Emas warns, the negative side is that there are so many choices, people tend to adopt a shop-around mentality. Some people will always be looking online for someone better, even if they are in a relationship they enjoy. Match.com and eHarmony.com are among the most popular national dating Web sites. Some popular local dating sites include Jacksonvillesingles.com, JaxSingles.com and Jacksonvillesingles.org.

Lock and Key Parties: This is a fun — if not crude — spin on mixers. It goes pretty much exactly like it sounds: Women get locks and men get keys. Then the men and women walk around and try to find their fit. When you find your match, you get a new lock and get to keep searching. All the while you’ll meet many singles in a short amount of time. Find a local Lock and Key Party at Lockandkeyevents.com and search Jacksonville.

Speed Dating: This is ideal for those who don’t have much time. They usually take place during lunch hour at a restaurant, so you don’t have to give up much of your day. You and a group of men and women rotate a room, each couple spending about five minutes with each other. At the end of the session, you can confidentially submit the names of people you want to talk to again to the party hosts; if the same men also submit your name, you are a match and your contact info will be given to one another. It’s like business networking, except your elevator speech is all about you. You’re in a public place and can go with friends, so it’s safe. The time limit is a bonus because you can decide quickly which guy you connect with. Find a local speed dating event at

RomanticSpeedDate.com. There is also ItsJustLunchJacksonville.com, a Web site that works to set you up with singles at lunch or after work. It’s kind of like having a personal assistant.

Tried and true strategies

Get a little help from your friends: This is probably the most trusted tactic, and it’s ideal if your closest friends have 20 single, attractive, smart and kind male friends just hanging around them. Yes, this is rare. But it doesn’t hurt to let everyone know that you are single and looking. Ask your friends to hook you up with a dependable single man.

Church: If religion is a big part of your life, it’s not a bad idea to make friends with others who value their faith. Local churches offer singles’ nights and socials. There are also many dating Web sites dedicated to a variety of religions, such as ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com.

Nightlife: If you can talk loudly and dance, bars, clubs, wine bars and general nightlife might just be your bag. Many local bars and clubs also have weekly singles’ nights, so you don’t waste your energy giving a married man the eye all night.

Get active: Not only will engaging in sports, recreation and physical activity uplift your mood and improve your health, but you will meet men who value their health and staying active, as well. Take classes at your local gym, or try going to the gym the same time every day. You never know who could be on the elliptical next to you. Also, try Jacksonvillescene.com, Jacksonvillesinglesgolf.com and Fitness-Singles.com.

Volunteer: Volunteer and you’re more likely to meet a man who cares about others than just himself along the way. You’ll also feel better about yourself by giving back. Check out volunteerjacksonville.org or join Rotary, Rotaract or another volunteer group.

Classifieds: Scan the classifieds section. It’s kind of like shopping around online, but it’s far less intimidating. You also don’t have to post a photo to be successful at this, whereas online, a profile without a photo will most likely be overlooked.

TIPS ON DATING AGAIN

Ginger Emas’ tips for using the Internet to help your dating life, from her book, “Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce” (Globe Pequot Press; $11.21, amazon.com):

• Choose a site that matches where you are in your dating mindset. There are dozens of sites to choose from, and they generally fall into three categories: Looking for a date, looking for a LTR (long-term relationship) or looking to get lucky.

• Do not join more than two sites at a time. You can get addicted to checking your inboxes, so limit your time.

• Stay active on a site for at least six months. It can easily take that long to find a solid prospect.

• If you’ve been e-mailing a guy for more than three weeks and he can’t find a time to meet you offline, move on. He’s either not serious or he is with someone else and is keeping you dangling just in case.

• Start smart. Dating sites such as Match.com offer excellent safety tips. There are also Web sites and blogs devoted to safe dating.

• When you join a Web site, don’t use your real name as your profile name. Instead, pick a screen name that sounds inviting and describes something about you.

• Learn how to cancel your membership or you may be automatically renewed.

• Use pictures that look like you and are recent. Be sure to smile and have a friend take your picture. Don’t use a picture you took of yourself. Also, don’t put your kids in the picture. You want to protect their privacy.

• Always meet in a public place. Tell a close friend where you’re going and ask her to call you 15 minutes after the date start time. Don’t answer if everything is going well; you can text her later.

• Always have an exit strategy. Tell your date beforehand that you have another obligation an hour after your date starts. You can always call your “other appointment” and postpone.

• If you feel uncomfortable for any reason, get out.

sara.conrad@jacksonville.com,
(904) 359-4693