Tell her she’s pretty - often. But be sure to mention her intellect, her personality, her sweetness just as much (if not more!). It’s important that she understand that her brains, more than beauty, will take her places in life. 
 

Do NOT make weight an issue - ever! You want her to be healthy, not skinny. For example, steer her to healthier foods; suggest veggie pizza instead of meat lover’s, and explain the nutrition that vegetables contain versus the saturated fat in pepperoni.

Never use the D(iet) word. A diet is something you go off and on. The goal is to eat healthfully all the time - and not just on certain days of the week or month.

Don’t talk about your own weight and body issues. (e.g., “Mommy is so fat!”) Don’t pinch your fat rolls or murmur endlessly about your backside.

Don’t compare her physique to her friends’ (or siblings’). Don’t talk about how thin and beautiful movie stars are either. The idea is not to focus on appearance but on ability. So you might want to talk about how talented Cate Blanchett is rather than how slight.

Get her moving! Exercise does wonders mentally and physically. Encourage her to join a sports team or gym (many have programs for young people) or better yet, work out together as a team.

Love her unconditionally, no matter how big (or small!) the size of her thighs. Send her off into the world with a sense of belonging no matter what she weighs.   

Abby Ellin is the author of Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat Kid Weighs in on Living Large, Losing Weight and How Parents Can (and Can’t) Help. Learn more about her at abbyellin.com.

Next month’s guest writer is Justina Chen Headley, young adult novelist and co-founder of Readergirlz.