getting my grove back

I haven't written in a while.  When I take a break it seems the longer it's been, the longer it takes for me to get back into my writing grove.  Ideas, thoughts, experiences have all begged to be written about.  They've danced in my head late at night.  As I toss and turn in bed for hours on end I work through them.  Figuring out just what I want to say, remembering details, and thinking them through.  In other words I write it out in my head, with promises to write it out on paper, or keyboard the next day. 

I don't.  When the alarm goes off in the morning, last nights ponderings have lost their urgency.  I don't need to write about my conversation with the racist old accountant.  I don't need to write about my thoughts on my baby starting kinder.  Those are all emotional needs.  They quickly take a back seat to the mommy needs.  The need to get people up and out of bed.  The need to ask my son if his frog has water, food, wait, is it alive? are u sure?  ewww! get a napkin and throw it out!  The need to remind my sixth grade daughter to brush her hair.  Hurry up you still have to walk the dogs.  Where are my keys?  My day is a count down to all the things we have to do.  30, 10, 5, NOW! 

When I drop the kids off I'm in work mode, which lucky for me, our server crashed and all those files that I have to work on, I can't.  Lucky for me that while at work I have a moment to check in on the person who is forgotten about all day.  Usually work involves juggling an ineffective boss, and shoving round pegs into square holes.

After work I'm the taxi.  Picking kids up from schools in a round about and loopy way.  At the grocery store I'm the nutritionist, at home I'm the tutor, the chef, and the wife, occasionally the nurse, sometimes the physical fitness instructor.  I do the bed time count down, 30, 10, 5, NOW!!! and then I'm me.  I'm me who is too tired to write.  Me who's laptop is in the boys room.  Me who promises to write tomorrow.  To carve out time for just me. 

Then the alarm goes off.