Cold Sores!

aaaaack!!!!! I woke up with a cold sore on my lip this morning! They’re so uncomfortable, that unkind mix of itchiness and pain. And how I feel I have to be so careful not to touch it for fear of spreading it - I end up washing my hands a gazillion times a day! And don’t get me started on how I want to cancel everything on my schedule and hide in my room until it’s gone so nobody will see it.

I have, however, learned to live with cold sores. I’ve been getting them since I was a little girl, and as a young adult it seemed I was getting them every other month. Then I came upon the book Heal Your Body by Louise L. Hay. According to the author, cold sores represent unexpressed angry words. I showed this to my husband. I told him that I was going to try to be honest when I’m angry. I remember one instance when we were discussing how to decorate the nursery for our first child who was on his way. I don’t remember the details, but I do remember feeling that my preferences weren’t being taken seriously. I felt that we had come to an agreement, and was surprised when he came home with what I thought to be the complete opposite! We were home one evening and I realized that I really was upset about this (I had been telling my self that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that I should just get over it). I thought, “I don’t want to get a cold sore because I’m not expressing how I feel” so I told my husband, “I’m not trying to start a fight, I just want to let you know how I’m feeling.” He stopped what he was doing and listened intently. I expressed that I thought we had decided upon A, and was surprised when he came home with B and thought that he just listened to my preferences out of courtesy and then just went ahead and got what he really wanted. He was surprised and explained what he thought he heard me say and how he thought what he got would please me. I saw what he was talking about and was relieved to find out that he wasn’t just being dishonest and discounting, that he really did want me to be happy.

I’ve been practicing this form of communication for the past 14 years and I must be getting better at expressing myself because I now often go years between break-outs. And that’s not the only benefit! When my feelings get hurt, I usually find out through communication that it wasn’t intentional, that it usually is a misunderstanding on both our parts. And when I feel that tell-tale sensation on my lip of a coming cold-sore, it causes me to immediately take stock: Am I being honest with myself and those around me? Am I in denial about anything? Am I being aware of my anger or expressing it passive-aggressively? Usually this investigation leads me to an issue I may have been trying to avoid. But illness is a great motivator. My goal is to continue to strengthen my self awareness so that I don’t have to depend on my body to get my attention through discomfort. So, even though I pout when I get a cold sore, I also give thanks, thanks to my infinitely wise body for communicating with me. And when I listen and take action if needed, I know I’m on my way back to balance.