The Mouse Ate My Hearing Aid

Every morning on my way into work, I usually call my mother.  It's our one-on-one time and it allows us the opportunity to talk about our husbands without them being around.   I should first state the my mother technically retired over 10 years ago, but was offered her job at a higher salary to come back.   She threatens retirement on a regular basis, which usually finds its way into our morning conversations, but she hasn't done so yet because my dad retired in January and she's a bit nervous about their dynamics if they are forced to be around each other 24-7.   It's almost like empty-nest syndrome quadrupled. 

This morning's conversation started out pretty light.   I asked her about the dinner she and daddy went to on Monday night which then led into the current issue at hand......my dad's hearing aids.  

My dad has always had a hard time hearing and unfortunately he repeats what he thinks he hears or conversely answers an open-ended question with a close-ended answer of "yes" or "no".   Finally, after years of torture not just for my dad, but also for us, his family, who have had to endure the public embarassments of him repeating things that we couldn't possibly have said, he purchased hearing aids.    Before I go any further, I would love to offer up my first exhibit of how my dad's hearing impacted my social status in high school and why I was and still am so admanant about him having hearing aids.  

Flash back to my junior year of high school and we're sitting at the local diner, the head of the football team and the homecoming queen sitting two tables away from us, along with a few other popular peers interspersed throughout the restaurant with their families.   We have just finished our dinner, my parents sitting across from my brother and me, when my mother leans over to my dad and says these words, "will you leave the waitress a tip?"  My dad jerks back from my mother and looks at her with bewildered eyes and shouts, "Are my britches unzipped?"  I was mortified to say the least, as you could hear the gasps around the room, silverware dropping onto plates, and all of the cool people snickering.   Of course my mother didn't even try to usher me or my brother out of the restaurant.  She just high tailed it out of the room.  

Finally, my dad listened to reason and came to his senses.  For the past few years he has worn hearing aids.   Yesterday; however, he calls my mom at work to let her know that he's missing a hearing aid.   She asks the normal questions of did you look here and what about this place or maybe you left it out in the Florida room.   After he states to her that he's looked everywhere including moving his recliner and the table alongside it, he informs my mother that he is going to the store to purchase mouse traps.   Huh?   He explains to my mother that a mouse has eaten his hearing aid.   It's the only logical reason for the one hearing aid to be missing as he always puts them back into their cases in the evenings.   I ask how serious my dad is and she says to call him.   And sure enough he gives me the same line.   I tell him that I was never allowed to use the "my dog ate my homework routine", but he insists that his statement is true.   I can't bring myself to say anything else to my dad except, "Daddy, if you keep saying things like this now how am I suppose to know when you are truly senile?"

Mouse traps have been placed.  No mouse has turned up and the hearing aid is still gone.   My mother called this morning to order a new one.  She's thought about getting a fake mouse and throwing it in the mouse trap with the hearing aid dangling out.