3198
viewsCan We Really Have It All?
By AmyD75, Monday, September 26, 2011, 4 commentsThe question was posed to me: What comes first, career or family?
It didn't take long for me to ponder the answer to this question as I'm expecting my first child any day now (well yesterday actually, but we all know children come in their own time). At 36, my answer was is a pretty strong and resounding FAMILY.
I have three degrees that I've worked hard for in my life, including my Master's Degree. I've had a pretty successful career, albeit in sales which isn't exactly what I had hoped for when I was in college. My career has allowed me to make money, to invest and lose money, to meet interesting people, make some pretty awesome friends and colleagues, and to travel. I've had a blessed career for the most part and I don't exactly have any regrets. Now it's time for me to focus on family and I can't imagine really putting my career first.
I still have days of feeling guilt that I'm not interested in moving forward with my career. My mother tells me not to lose my independence and she questions why I would want to give up everything I worked so hard for in life (especially as a woman) in order to be a stay-at-home mom. First, I like to remind her that I haven't fully decided to be a stay-at-home mom, but I HAVE decided that it's no longer my interest to climb the corporate ladder. Does that make me weak and should I feel guilty about that considering the fact that women have had to fight so hard to be considered equals in the corporate world?
I'm not begrudging anyone or judging other women who decide to work and be a mom. Personally, my child is a miracle and I can't imagine spending 40 + hours a week stressed out to make sure corporate profits are where they need to be as opposed to spending my days with my son. For me, it's a pretty easy choice, but apparently not so for others.
So, I can't help but ask, Can we really have it all?
My mother worked my entire life. Did I really suffer as a child? Not really, but I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to have my mom at home, to pick me up at school, to not have to ride a school bus at 6:45 in the morning. And I can't help but wonder does my mother have any regrets? She says she doesn't and of course she found a way to make everything work. My brother and I were never wanting for anything in life, especially materialistic, and we turned out well, grounded, smart, and stable. She was able to have it all, but at what cost?
For now, I'm still strong in stating that family comes first, but I'm not closing the door on possibly working later after my son is in school. Do I feel guilty that so many people in my work-life depend on me and I may be letting them down? Absolutely, but I'd rather let them down than my son, although I would be lying if I said I didn't feel conflicted.
How are all of you other mothers handling this question?
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4 Comments
I think it is possible to
I think it is possible to have it all. That is exactly what I am striving for. I am 28 years old and just had my first child and of course like you if I had to choose, I would choose family but I do think it is possible for me to be a great mother and have a successful career. I am 2 months shy of finishing my Master's degree and hope to start a successful career next year. I took a few years off to work on my Master's and have a baby and now I am ready to dive into my career. I will say this, I don't mind putting my career to the side to focus on my family if I see it is getting in the way. My ultimate goal is to have my own business so i can set my own hours and be flexible for my family. My mom did it and I feel I can too. I call her supermom because she is a true definition of one. She was a single mom, worked and went to school while still being there for me everyday. I never rode the school bus, she took me to school everyday and she never missed a PTA meeting, a school trip, or a game where I was on the dance team. She eventually opened her own business and was able to be more flexible. To this day i still don't know how she did it all but she proved to me that a woman can definitely have a career and be a great mom!
You can
A friend's mom liked to say, "Why, yes, you CAN have it all, but not always at the same time." Follow your heart. Your heart is telling you that you've invested a lot in your career, and that you're ready to invest all that and more in your son. People act like they'll be swallowed alive by children and will never be able to come out on the other side and do something else -- so they react from a place of fear, and don't allow themselves to fully live the way THEY want to live. Let parenting affect who you are -- see who you become while you're mothering your child with all of your heart and soul, in the way that makes sense for you.
Only you and your child really know what you need, but seriously, no one has ever been harmed by taking things one day at a time and enjoying every moment.
11 years ago, I decided to stay home with my first born son, and it was the best decision I ever made. I'm still home now, but it looks very different from what it did then -- over the years, I manage a theater crew, write, do stand up comedy/sketch comedy/improv, teach improv to children, homeschool my children, serve on two boards...And I have 4 children with whom I've shared many, many milestones, laughs, smiles, tears, etc. I know my children very well, and I know that I will never look back on this time with any regrets because I did what I wanted and needed to do, and what worked best for my children and family.
I have many, many friends (with fewer children than me ;-)) who stayed home for 3-5 years, and are extremely happy with their choice to do so. 2 recently started their own businesses, 3 returned to what they were doing before, and 1 is going back to school for her masters. Another friend who tried to work after having children, recently decided to stay home after the birth of her 3rd children, even with her children in school. We really are the captains of our own fates, and choosing to stay home with our children for however long we see fit is NOT giving up independence. In the most progressive countries, maternity leaves of 18 months - 2 years are not uncommon, and going back only part time after that is not either.
Finding people who understand your instincts and desires will be very beneficial during this time. :-) GL!!
love
I love this response. Everything I was going to try and say, but said much better...
Sorry for all of the typos!
Sorry for all of the typos! ;-) English really is my strongest subject. :-)
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