Emily Post doesn't get it

Today, my husband and I had to have a conversation that Emily Post and Miss Manners can't prepare you for.  

Where is the entry on "charming phrases to use when your friend/neighbor's child has used your credit card without permission"? Surely we're not the first to wonder whether white gloves are too formal for such an occasion or if engraved invitations are required.  Does one serve high tea for the occasion - or is cold beer sufficient?

Sigh.  We did discover that more than one child was involved.  We asked both sets of parents to come to our house so that we could show them all of our documentation.  (Does the family of our son's friend sit on our right during discussions - or should we seat the other child's family on our right?)  Not to point fingers, not to ask for money.  Just to let everyone know what had happened.  We shared what information we had learned from calling the credit card company and the merchants.  We provided copies of the emails we had exchanged with the customer service reps (was it rude to black out our account number before sharing the documents?) The two children ended up denying knowledge and blaming each other.  The parents thanked us and promised to look into things.  I found myself thanking them for coming over and apologizing for the circumstances, straining to inject some manners and civility into an uncomfortable situation.  Feeling as un-charming and un-graceful as one can feel.

And then we had the conversations with our own kids, explaining the situation.  The rules of etiquette tend to rest on the assumption that people can be logical - law abiding.  But what are the rules of social decorum when those assumptions fail?  And how do I explain to my kids that their young friend made some bad choices - without killing off my kids' innocence?

My son's face twisted when we told him what had happened.  I asked him how he felt about the whole thing, and he said, "I want to pound him." 

I could only think, Sorry hon.  That would be rude.