When You Want to Proclaim Yourself A Moron...

…turn to bumper stickers.

Example #1: “Ditch the bitch, let’s go hunting.” I don’t think I need to offer up much commentary on that, but we can safely assume the driver is a very lonely man. Example #2: “Sex Lessons, First One Is Free.” Oooh! I’m so dazzled by the wit that my panties are just falling off my dimpled little buttocks.

As pathetic as these bumper stickers are, as shocked as I am that someone would actually pay money to adhere these statements to their vehicle, I’m more dismayed by the political hostilities that I see tooling around town. And yes, tooling is an entirely appropriate verb. A bumper sticker that communicates a person’s disdain for anyone with different thinking is discrimination in the form of a vehicular last word. It is alienating, rude, and counterproductive. Whether a person is pro-choice, pro-life, for changing the war, or hoping for change; whether they think idiocy lies with the current president or the former, trying to communicate a view with bumper slander is little more than highlighting one’s own stupidity.

That said, I did read one bumper sticker that I truly appreciated, so much so that I actually flagged down the driver at a light to tell her how I felt.

“I love your bumper sticker!” I hollered from my car.

“Thanks,” she smiled. She was young, pretty. Smart, I decided.

The bumper sticker was a ribbon, which initially had me rolling my eyes, wondering what could possibly be left in the world that needed my support. I am financially, physically, and emotionally tapped out. But I’m apparently not the only one who feels this way. It read, “Support Farting.”