MTV: Buttocks & Ballads

When I get on the treadmill, my instinct is always to change the channel.  My tastes rarely coincide with those of the previous runner.  I routinely confuse Fox News with a poorly acted soap opera, sports shows make me want to go back to bed, and country music is simply a language I don’t understand.  I like things a little more uplifting, like serial killer documentaries or Hoarders. 

This morning I hopped on a treadmill to find MTV.  Instead of changing it, I thought I’d watch for a minute.  Music is the key ingredient to a good workout for many.  Maybe MTV would give me a good run. 

The first two songs kept me going with a steady beat.  This was music I would never listen to otherwise, performed by mediocre artists who are surely known by every teen and twenty-something in America.  By the third song, I’d seen enough buttocks.  When did MTV become porn?  Maybe I’m just bitter that my own buttocks will never again resemble those of the booty-shaking women in the videos.  Well, ok, they never did. 

All I could think of the women in the videos was how hard they must have to work to stay in such tremendous shape.  Actually, that’s not a bad motivator when you’re on a treadmill.  But the men were such a letdown.  They stood looking somber, or perhaps asleep behind dark sunglasses, while legions of sexy and slightly whorish women gyrated around them.  It was sort of like a fairy tale for men. 

I find no fault with fairy tales and honestly, I can handle the excessive nudity.  But if you want everyone to want you, you have to offer up more than a bad ballad.  Next time, I think I’ll stick with my instincts and change the channel.