My Intuition Blog Experiment: Where is Christmas Peace? Head, Meet Heart.

It's Week 46, Day 2 of my blog experiment and I'm desperately trying to find peace in this Christmas season. It's a selfish request but I know I'm not alone in it. I don't want to be the stressed-out, running-around, furrowed brow, crazy lady that I see in the mirror. I understand the true meaning of Christmas with all of my heart but, somehow, my heart is especially separated from my head this time of year. 

I've tried simplifying and foregoing the rush to buy a multitude of gifts for friends and family. That was the year of sending baked goods. It ended up in a late-night of tears in the kitchen and a ridiculous amount of postage spent to send surprisingly heavy packages of what I'm sure turned out to be half-cookie, half-crumb to far-flung family members up and down the East Coast. I won't be doing that again.

This year isn't much different than most years. There are still presents to wrap and cards to send and my dreams of sitting in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine, tying on the carefully chosen bows on my last packages and putting stamps on those last few cards are way too idealistic. I can catch snippets of that holiday peace in front of the fireplace, watching my son in his Santa costume carrying a pillowcase around the house filled with Little People and trains, saying "Ho, Ho, Ho." It flashes by, too, as I watch my daughter diligently working on a card cut out like a gingerbread man, just for me, just because. 

But, I still feel that furrow in my brow, that sigh in my chest, that ridiculous overwhelm of not being able to really enjoy the holidays. I stop myself. I pray. When I run out to get the mail in my husband's boots, I take a moment, just to stand on my icy driveway, hear the silence and feel the weight of the cold in the air --I can feel tranquility and her beautiful, mystical quiet in the snow as she flits past. But then, I must get back inside.

I try but I know -- I'm missing out.

So, what to do with that? I can't reconcile it but I'll keep trying. If there's ever a time to listen to my heart over my head, it would be now, with the approach of Christmas. All I ask is for love to lead the way. Please God, let love lead the way.