I'm Too Stupid for Inception

I know you've all already seen this movie and are probably sick of talking about it, but I've been on vacation, so indulge me?

I'm too stupid for Inception. There. I wanted to be like the kid who sold us the tickets, who said it was the Best Movie Ever, and that he had seen it three times. He's clearly brighter and more insightful than I am. And it's not that I didn't like the film; I did, very much even. Just sometimes, I wish movies now didn't have to be so complicated (Cue the grandma voice - “Back when I was a kid...”). Sometimes, I want to feel uplifted when I leave the theater, not bicker with my spouse over who “got” it.

Sample conversation during the film SPOILER ALERT

Me: “Who's that old guy?”

Him: “It's the Japanese guy. Don't you recognize him?”

Me: “Why's he so old, and um, un-Asian-looking?”

Him: “He is clearly Asian, and he's so old because he's been in limbo, dumbo.” (“Dumbo” may not be verbatim, but was implied.)

Me: “Why isn't Leonardo old?”

Him: (Heavy sigh) “Because he wasn't there that long.”

Me: “Hey, but the other one wasn't there that much longer. Why is he like a hundred? And less Japanese.”

Him: “He's STILL Japanese. You are not very observant.”

This is not the same type of conversation one has while watching, say When Harry Met Sally or E.T. With these, you get all misty, and you walk out holding tightly to your sweetie, wanting to go eat ice cream and stare moonily at one another. This is arguably better than saying things like, “I'm going to break into your subconscious, and you'd better watch out.” Followed by, “Oh, yeah? My stuff is all locked up in a big, big safe, and you will never find it. My projections are going to kick your ass.”

Why do plots have to be so complicated? It seems like Hollywood keeps searching for that perfect surprise ending, but let's face it, everything can't be “The Sixth Sense” with its moment of “ohhhhhh” that grabs you with both its surprise and rightness, the “aha” moment as defined by Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh: “this is how things are and were meant to be” Now, we expect to be deceived, and we're always waiting for that Scooby Doo reveal, when the villain is unmasked, in a literal, rubbery kind of way. Anticipation and surprise are replaced by the audience as detective, your friend's subversive whisper, “HE'S THE KILLER” or “SHE HAS A SECRET TWIN” or “IT'S ALL A DREAM.”

There's a time for everything. Like with books, sometimes I need to read something challenging – maybe Faulkner, Joyce, and I enjoy working for the pleasure of reading. And there are times when I just cannot or do not want to do this, and I'm happy to jump into a good Grisham plot. I'm waiting for a feel good film that will let me do this without feeling like it's a guilty pleasure. After all, let's not forget that E.T. and When Harry Met Sally did win Oscars.

But back to Inception, which I enjoyed, despite my constant barrage of questioning and complaining, or perhaps, because of it. I sat on the edge of my seat and felt pleased that I was following it, until the end, when I think most of us probably had a moment or two of “huh?” One of my favorite lines from the film, when we were in the second level of dreaming, and moving into the third, when Ellen Page's character demands, suddenly, “Wait, whose subconcious are we going through exactly?” because we were all thinking it anyway. Sometimes, the open ending is fun, too. Does the top fall over? It looks like it might, but why then do his children look completely unchanged?

This speculation is admittedly more interesting than the two other big films out at the moment that I refuse to see – the ultimate chick flick Eat, Pray, Love and the disastrously violent The Expendables. Maybe I'll go see it again, try to ward off early onset Alzheimer's by keeping my mind sharp. And I'll wait, wait, wait for a really great film that ties everything up with a pretty bow, like Dickens would have, so pretty that I won't worry if it's smart or not.