Bed Hopping...

I’ve known too many women that are guilty of not giving themselves enough time. Most women can’t remember when the last time alone and unattached was. Most women tend to bed hop or guy hop from the age of 14. We seem to settle out of fear into the arms of a new man when at times all we need is the freedom of expression and thought. I have known women that have been attacked physically, verbally at times emotionally by their partner but stay out of fear of being alone not finding a replacement or better yet because of financial advantages that at times these relationships bring about. There are some that begin to look like their partners. They dress like him, think, act, eat, play and become nothing but a robot like personification of who he is as an act of desperation to be loved, cared and liked.  Most of my known girlfriends going through divorces are already dating and planning the move in date of their new beau before the ink on the divorce decree is dry.

A pause between relationships is a must. We are creating a disservice to ourselves when we don’t allow our minds to process what just happened when it comes to the end of a relationship. We are not allowing for the maturity process to take hold. So there we go and embark on a new relationship that once again leaves us empty and scarred while we wait for the next in line to take his/her turn at a chance as if we are playing a scratch and win lottery ticket. Boundaries need to be placed in each relationship we have; and we seem to be fine when we place such with our children but yet we don’t seem to be able to create such with lovers.  The fear of being judged, dislike and unwanted take presidential seat to that of the unconditional love our children gives us. We take that emotion of their supreme love a bit for granted.  I probably will get some heat for such statements. But sadly this is my observation of my younger self as well as some loved women in my life.  

My closing thought is… Don’t disappear into the person that you love. Do not become a mere reflection of who he is. Do become someone that compliments the man you choose.  Give yourself space and time. Do not overlap relationships in fear of what’s next. Do get to know yourself.  All those silly questions like who you are, what you like to drink, eat and marvel at try to answer them for a change. Celebrate the uniqueness in you and please never lose yourself again.